TALLAHASSEE, FL (SATIRE) — In what critics are calling "the most bizarre culture war battle yet," Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed and then quickly rescinded legislation banning the teaching of "Round Earth Theory" in public schools after realizing what he had actually approved.

The controversial "Educational Reality Protection Act," which passed the Republican-controlled legislature last week with a 68-52 vote, would have prohibited Florida teachers from presenting the "unproven globalist theory" that the Earth is spherical. The bill was heavily lobbied for by evangelical flat-earth groups, including the Florida-based "Truth Is Flat" coalition.

"We are simply protecting our children from globalist indoctrination," said Pastor Eddie Flattener, the fictional leader of Truth Is Flat, at the bill's signing ceremony on Monday. "For too long, our schools have pushed the Round Earth agenda without presenting alternative viewpoints. The Bible clearly describes the Earth having four corners, which is impossible on a sphere."

The legislation, which DeSantis originally celebrated as "another victory against woke ideology," required schools to teach "both sides" of the Earth's shape debate and mandated textbooks include disclaimers that the spherical Earth is "just a theory" alongside flat Earth perspectives.

However, less than 48 hours after the signing ceremony, DeSantis hastily called a press conference to announce the ban would be immediately suspended, following what his office described as "further scientific consultation and clarification."

"Let me be clear," a visibly uncomfortable DeSantis said during the reversal announcement. "I never intended to ban established scientific facts. I was misinformed about certain aspects of the legislation. The bill's language about 'globalist ideology' was presented to me as referring to international political influence, not actual... globes."

When pressed by reporters about how he could sign such legislation without understanding its contents, DeSantis grew defensive, insisting that he "signs hundreds of bills" and that this one "got mixed in with a stack of anti-woke education bills."

Sources close to the governor revealed that the embarrassing reversal came after NASA officials contacted the governor's office to point out that Florida's Cape Canaveral, home to the Kennedy Space Center, might have difficulty launching rockets into orbit if the state officially rejected the concept of orbital mechanics.

Additionally, the governor's office reportedly received calls from several major Florida-based cruise lines concerned about how they would navigate the "edge of the world" under the new educational guidelines.

"This is what happens when you sign whatever legislation the base demands without reading it," said Dr. Lauren Fisher, a fictional political science professor at Florida State University. "DeSantis has been so focused on fighting 'wokeness' that he accidentally declared war on the laws of physics."

Members of the Florida legislature quickly worked to amend the bill, with Republican leaders now claiming the legislation was always meant to target "globalist economic theories" rather than Earth's shape.

The Truth Is Flat coalition expressed outrage at the reversal, with Pastor Flattener telling supporters on social media: "The Round Earth lobby got to him. Big Globe and their NASA puppets are too powerful, but we won't stop fighting for the truth!"

Former President Donald Trump weighed in on the controversy with a social media post: "Weak Ron DeSanctimonious can't even stick to his convictions about Earth! Sad! Many people are saying flat or round doesn't matter if we put AMERICA FIRST!"

Meanwhile, Florida's Department of Education is scrambling to recall several thousand newly printed science textbooks that included a chapter titled "Alternative Earth Shapes Throughout History."

At press time, DeSantis was reportedly reading a children's atlas very carefully before his next public appearance.