PALM BEACH, FL (SATIRE) — In an unprecedented diplomatic gesture, President-elect Donald Trump announced today that he has accepted offers from China and Russia to build him a new White House and Pentagon, respectively.

The Chinese government has committed $2.75 billion to renovate Mar-a-Lago into what Trump described as "the most beautiful White House you've ever seen, believe me." Meanwhile, the Russian government has pledged $3.8 billion to construct a new Pentagon building in Washington D.C.

"They came to me, they said 'Sir, we want to make a gift,'" Trump told reporters at a press conference held on his golf course. "And I said, 'That's very nice.' And it's a tremendous gift. The biggest gift in the history of gifts, maybe ever."

According to the arrangement, both buildings will revert to the Trump Presidential Library upon the conclusion of his term in office.

Chinese officials, speaking on condition of anonymity because they are entirely fictional, stated that the new Mar-a-Lago White House will feature "very special WiFi" and "complimentary monitoring services." Russian officials similarly noted that their Pentagon design includes "several direct lines to Moscow for convenience."

When asked about potential conflicts of interest, Trump dismissed concerns. "Look, it's free. It's a free building. Who doesn't like free stuff? America is getting free buildings. That's called winning."

Critics have pointed out that accepting billions in gifts from foreign governments might violate several laws and constitutional provisions, to which Trump reportedly responded, "Laws are for losers. Next question."

Architectural plans leaked to this fictional news outlet show that the new Mar-a-Lago White House will include gold-plated toilet seats, a KFC in every room, and a Twitter command center capable of sending 50,000 all-caps messages per minute.

The Russian-funded Pentagon will reportedly feature a special red telephone that only rings for incoming calls.

"These are beautiful gifts. The most beautiful gifts. Everyone is saying it," Trump added before demonstrating how he plans to use the golden scissors at the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

At press time, representatives from North Korea were reportedly offering to build Trump a new Space Force headquarters that would "definitely not double as a missile silo."